n
l
)
a. Dejected by the awareness of being alone.
I asked my daughter the other day what her definition of loneliness was and she said, "When you look at other kids and you think," I wish I had someone to play with.""
I find it interesting that most people's definition of loneliness would be similar to my daughter's: Wishing for genuine and fulfilling companionship and the awareness that you don't have it. It's a strange thing to feel when we live in a culture like ours where, we could literally be surrounded by people constantly if we wanted to, yet still feel alone.
When I reflect on my lonely moments; for me, it's an undefined longing or ache that I feel. Like an emptiness that is not being filled. It can visit me when I am home alone, or when I'm in a room full of people I know. It's pretty hard to ignore. It's like an uninvited guest.
Trying to address loneliness is a whole other ball game. I find it takes a lot of self control to not have a knee jerk reaction and try to anesthetize it quickly so as not to feel the pain of it. Generally, throwing on a TV show to create some noise, eating junk food to get that feel-good rush, or expecting my loved ones to fix it, tends to exacerbate the feeling even more.
I'm trying to ask myself some good, hard questions when loneliness visits:
Why am I feeling this right now; what triggered this?
I'm discovering that it's often little things that trigger loneliness for me: Not seeing eye to eye with my husband; failing at something that I expect to be better at; not getting the recognition I wish for. To me those are indicators that my identity has been misplaced; that I've tried to define who I am by things that are shallow and fleeting, and were never meant to bring me long term satisfaction.
When I ask myself why these moments trigger feelings of loneliness, it helps me to recognize my unbalanced attachment to them.
Are my expectations greater than my realities?
One of my favourite sayings is, " The distance between expectation and reality is disappointment". It is one of my life mantras and I quote it to anyone who will listen. How many times has my over-inflated expectations of a person or situation resulted in disappointment? Too many. It leads to loneliness because my unrealistic expectations are difficult to live up to, and this creates a separation between us.
Who\what do I expect to fill this void with?
More and more I am aware of the fact that I am more than just mind and body. I am spirit as well. I think it's fair to say that mostly the former two are given my attention during the course of a busy day. But the spirit is what we are really made of. The spirit is what gives us life. And the source of that spirit is God. He is the one who made us with that "vacuum"; in order to fill it with His life-giving presence, and His presence alone. His companionship touches a place in our lives that only His can. The unsatisfied becomes quenched when we acknowledge our need for His presence and inclusion in our moments. Nothing fills a lonely void like a God that loves unconditionally, without judgement or reserve, and who knows us better than anyone on this earth ever could or will.
If you are one who battles with loneliness; you are not alone. I do too. Some days more than others. Take comfort in this:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". Matthew 11:28
I asked my daughter the other day what her definition of loneliness was and she said, "When you look at other kids and you think," I wish I had someone to play with.""
I find it interesting that most people's definition of loneliness would be similar to my daughter's: Wishing for genuine and fulfilling companionship and the awareness that you don't have it. It's a strange thing to feel when we live in a culture like ours where, we could literally be surrounded by people constantly if we wanted to, yet still feel alone.
When I reflect on my lonely moments; for me, it's an undefined longing or ache that I feel. Like an emptiness that is not being filled. It can visit me when I am home alone, or when I'm in a room full of people I know. It's pretty hard to ignore. It's like an uninvited guest.
Trying to address loneliness is a whole other ball game. I find it takes a lot of self control to not have a knee jerk reaction and try to anesthetize it quickly so as not to feel the pain of it. Generally, throwing on a TV show to create some noise, eating junk food to get that feel-good rush, or expecting my loved ones to fix it, tends to exacerbate the feeling even more.
I'm trying to ask myself some good, hard questions when loneliness visits:
Why am I feeling this right now; what triggered this?
I'm discovering that it's often little things that trigger loneliness for me: Not seeing eye to eye with my husband; failing at something that I expect to be better at; not getting the recognition I wish for. To me those are indicators that my identity has been misplaced; that I've tried to define who I am by things that are shallow and fleeting, and were never meant to bring me long term satisfaction.
When I ask myself why these moments trigger feelings of loneliness, it helps me to recognize my unbalanced attachment to them.
One of my favourite sayings is, " The distance between expectation and reality is disappointment". It is one of my life mantras and I quote it to anyone who will listen. How many times has my over-inflated expectations of a person or situation resulted in disappointment? Too many. It leads to loneliness because my unrealistic expectations are difficult to live up to, and this creates a separation between us.
Who\what do I expect to fill this void with?
More and more I am aware of the fact that I am more than just mind and body. I am spirit as well. I think it's fair to say that mostly the former two are given my attention during the course of a busy day. But the spirit is what we are really made of. The spirit is what gives us life. And the source of that spirit is God. He is the one who made us with that "vacuum"; in order to fill it with His life-giving presence, and His presence alone. His companionship touches a place in our lives that only His can. The unsatisfied becomes quenched when we acknowledge our need for His presence and inclusion in our moments. Nothing fills a lonely void like a God that loves unconditionally, without judgement or reserve, and who knows us better than anyone on this earth ever could or will.
If you are one who battles with loneliness; you are not alone. I do too. Some days more than others. Take comfort in this:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". Matthew 11:28
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